For years I suffered under the delusion that I was one of the only people on earth who actually masturbated. My peers ridiculed it, stating that only homos would engage in such vile acts. When I finally asked how something so pleasurable could be so wrong, the answer I got threw me for a loop.
"WELL", my friend explained, rather conspiratorially, "every time you spill your seed, there's thousands of and thousands of sperm in there. Every one of those sperm is a Christian soul that you're murdering. So, jacking off is like killing thousands and thousands of potential Christians. Just killin' 'em'.
Rather than dissuading me from masturbating, my friend's explanation only made me enjoy it all that much more. With every orgasm I could envision thousands of writhing souls, a white sea of Christians twitching in death throes. I didn't particularly care for Christians even back then, and the image really appealed to me. It still does.
By Boyd Rice
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